When she wants him she gets him when shes bored she dumps him back only occasionally staying at his house. Im not trying to justify his actions, only getting some sense of my own and how best to protect my daughter, who suspects that this friend of the family and I are becoming more then friends. Even if you choose to not listen to any of this, I am sorry to hear about your pain and your loss. I am not a heartless jerk on the contrary, I am a loving, dedicated father and have much to give why waste a day living in sorrow and lonliness on this earth when the time God has given us is so short? After chiding myself for all the things I could have done with my dad, and replaying every negative remark I ever said, I realized guilt is an emotion that is draining and is not conducive to feeling better. Alexandra wrote this article about her experience with grief when her father passed away after a 7-year battle with multiple myeloma. In my case, I learned that she was an amazing person and lived an amazing life, so I have nothing but the utmost respect for her as his wife and the ACs mother. 2. My father has warned me for years that he considers that children owe their parents however bad the parent may be. 5 months went by and I didnt hear any news until my brother was upset that my dad sent his son a check with BOTH of their names on it. If you are willing to sacrifice your life for your family and let your husband be the breadwinner, be absolutely certain that if their breadwinning capacity is taken away through disability or death, that you are still taken care of through proper insurance. I really cant stand her because she has brought so much hurt and pain into my life, morally I shouldnt be disrespectful to her but deep down I just hate her with all my heart. The #selfcare hashtag brings up over 11 million posts on, Have you ever said to yourself, I just want this moment to last forever? You can turn this sentiment into a, How do you feel now that your parent has been transitioned to a long-term care/nursing home? Answered on Nov 30th, 2015 at 6:00 AM. My parents were married for 26 years. Thank you, Ella, for being able to put into words the impact this has on the immediate children and future generations. The pain may fade but it will not go away. The only peace I have is that she will have to answer to God and probably my mother in the end. I dont know how to cope with this, I just keep hoping that she will leave my dad like because she does not deserve the amazing man that he is. I read your posted comments, and I understand many of your worries and fears for the person that you love, and the one that could become part of your family. AGAIN. Someone help me with this. My mom got a reference for a grief support group that I am thinking about going to. 97,343 The three other suspicious deaths linked to This can open new lines of communication and reduce the threat you feel that she is somehow replacing your mother. He knew that I wasnt happy, but had no idea that it bothered me so much. He said tonight you will not win this you will not run my life. But oddly, I feel like a very bad person and that dating him was something very bad. My father said he did not want her to do it but he was 86 and she was 88. She had to go to AT&T and get my dad taken off of our cell phone plan, and they kept transferring her to other people and she kept having to explain what had happenedI was really upset that they put her through that; it seemed so insensitive. You will be able to move on. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. If she cannot accept the girlfriendjust as I cant accept my dads girlfriendsometimes we must make choices others dont agree with. And though Im not a psychiatrist or counselorand while mourning takes on different forms for everyoneI wanted to share what brought me comfort. Margaret "Maggie" Murdaugh and her 22-year-old son Paul were both killed in June 2021. I feel like it will NEVER get better. It has made my grandmas home a horrible memory now and I really dont know what to do cuz this just isnt right, thanks any suggestions appreciated. Tell your father he can see you and the children when this relationship is repaired. I know that my dad harbors no ill will towards me for that. , Background, 1 I got married and my house in a 55 and over was empty. No doubt this will bring people to say I cant see things from the other side. While their kids and other relatives have mates and continue on with their lifes. My sister and her family went to surprise them. They have always fought and split all through the years vowing never to speak again. Or call 18665650065 between 8 a.m. and 8 p.m. Every time Id mention the topic to my mom, shed say you guys arent ready, you should wanna stay here and help me financially. To contribute to the house Id pay the 400 phone bill since my dad died, but ultimately saved to move out. Thank you for being so honest in your comments. But I had to handle it all the planning everything, the video. I am just not comfortable with that nor will I ever be. For the price of a large house in the U.S you could get a tiny place over in the U.K You just get more bang for your buck in America. Free moment they are on mom's. I wish my dad was here today. Im not talking about holidays or family parties, where of course inclusion is important. When my father finally broke up with this woman, we begun to work on talking again slowly.He then began dating another woman, who I am not completely comfortable with but have learned after experiencing the loss of my spouse in 2008, that what my father said about loving my mother no matter what and that even though he choose to date again he would love my mother no matter what and would do anything to be with her again. I wondered how he would ever be able to cope without my mom. Mothers Day we joined my dad and his new wife for lunch, and she proceeds to tell my middle sister she found the sunglasses that my little sister was looking for and she is telling my middle sister were she found them- my middle sister says, my Little Sister was looking for them, and the new wife proceeds to say I Found Them and never gave them to my middle sister to give to my little Sister she is still wearing them to this day..Makes me sick!!! I lived there from 2005 to around 2011. My parents were marred for 30 plus years. Although a thing is dating once out and my dad is now your father-in-law by. I awoke to my mother repeatedly yelling in desperation, Bob! I can be contact at jamaicajoe49@aol.com if anyone here on this forum wishes to or needs to talk further. I cant help but wonder why, in my case, someone who has known the WBF for many years and I was in a long-term relationship during that time would the AC not want their father to be happy in a relationship. I read your posted comments , and I understand many of your worries and fears for the person that you love, and the one that could become part of your family. Then I found out that meant his girlfriend took over his bills and other household tasks as well. I used to just let her say pretty much whatever she wanted, but Ive gotten to a point where if I dont agree with her, I just let her know it. LIke she was trying to eliminate signs of my mom in her own house like she was fixing my moms stuff because it wasnt tidy enough. Though he is willing to let his wife push you out of his life, he wants to see his grandchildren. Im sorry but she is not my mother and never will be. She thought she was doing my Dad a favor, but she was supposed to have been a friend to my mother too! To change without notice. Otherwise, you need to step back. The gossiping and meddling that has started to take place- my dads girlfriend is at the center of all the drama. I am glad I came across this website and Im not alone. The only place where I feel close to her. Dont think of rights without obligations and please try to have empathy. Everyone needs someone, whether it is a best friend, a significant other or a sibling. Is this legal? Only told 1 sibling..I found out by mistake totally devastated.she has been hiding it and has now come out once again without telling her children and 4 stepchildren.the total disregard for feelings, honesty and integrity has consumed me and destroyed our relationship = perhaps for good. First, its important not to view this new person as a replacement for your mother, because she is not now, nor will she ever be. My mom whom was my teammate died suddenly it was most horrible experience of life, Im devastated. Really? I will leave you with a beautiful bible passage Its not a case of not liking dads new partner,its the fact that hes totally different with her than he was when mam was alive. She sighs constantly and it seems like basic things are just really difficult for her to do. The problem is most likely with yourselfit almost always is, you know. that is all fine & after a respectful time (my definition of this would be 6 months or more), than go for the intimate stuff. They do not ask themselves Am I willing to sacrifice the love and trust of my family (by refusing to wait and consider their feelings) for the buzz I am getting from this stranger I barely know and may not end up with? We suffered with them too as well as all the family members. I have been lucky because he hasnt tried to cram her down my throat, although it feels like that living with him. So ever since this happened Ive been cordial but I dont accept her. She is nice enough but very entitled; and shes not afraid to whine, complain, or impose if she thinks Im being too distant with her. He makes me smile again! As far as your mother is concerned, I'll just tell you some of the things I told my step-father. Im sad, scared, confused and irritated with myself for petty immature thoughts. While so many people say that life doesnt stop when a spouse dies, what so many people dont get is, the choices the remaining spouse makes not just affects them, but their ENTIRE FAMILY. My Mom was a Catholic and I knew upon her death that she would want the last rights and everyone to be there before she was taken off support. She has never reached out to me or tried to get to know medad justs sayd she is different and not used to a close nit family. I was so angry I blew up. I feel at this point that my dad died too. I didnt even know if my dad was going to live and my mom had just past some months before and here I had to deal with her. I cant pretend to like someone. Some of you expressed concern about the relationships being too soon, and I agree with some of you, but specially men that depended completely n their wives, have been married for a long time, dont want to be alone. NTA to move out. ive never meet her nor was notified of his relationship until recently when he decieded he wanted to move her here with us. We took a week to plan for the funeral, etc. However, and hobbies that morning. 9 Likes, 0 Comments - Life Coach (@lindadrosdowech) on Instagram: I was struggling after my dad died with my moms dementia, extended family issues, and oh yeah, So sent him pictures etc. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. She lives about 20 minutes away. If I was there I would give you a hug.Listening as you work things out is the best thing a friend could do. Would it make these adult children happier if their remaining parent curl up in a ball in the corner, wear black everyday and sit in the house the rest of their life? He was her caretaker and he held her hand to the very end. With 48, mom's still young , too, young enough to get a job. Shame on you. I moved out at 16 to attend school near my sisters who married at 23 and had a family. People that immediately jump into a relationship and force it on their families are wrong in doing so. My husband also feared that now that his mother was gone, his stepdad would cast him aside. (Thinking "I should go visit mom after work," and then realizing I couldn't.). We would go over to each others houses for dinner. My father met a woman (shes actually renting our old house) about a year and a half ago. Webmoving in with mom after dad died. It will be 6 months on April 24 since my dear mom left us. PERFECT example of entitlement in this societyME ME ME, and Im not talkin about me. She said that she has insecurities. That's what people do when they start their own families. she is like a dog marking her territory. I am going through something similar, but there are added complications. Not to mention a cancer scare for him and other illnesses that have had him hospitalized. It doenst matter. As I said, she so pushy and it was just too much too soon. Thats when I started really being suspicious of her. My relationship with my dad was great- we saw each other at least once a week and always had great talks. I didnt feel resentment anymore, and it helped that the lady hes seeing is a lovely classy lady who I am quite fond of, and this doesnt feel like an intrusion into my family, the way it used to. What kind of man allows this? I dream about and think about it constantly and it was very traumatizing to me. This was on August 26. She doesnt want others fussing over her. You cannot imagine how your prescence equates to having your nose rubbed in something unpleasant. Ive also been told that my mother didnt like her. I have dilema now.My husband died and His son never call or visit.Did not want anything to do with His father we never get explained why son who is 60 years old does not want to talk to father who was 90 years old and died. And, of course, get her involved with her community and classes for seniors. Real stories from you - about taking care of others. She will leave him for up to three weeks at a time without a visit. Not so much anymore. Thank you Julie for your post. I cry every single day about my mom and then it turns into me crying about my dad. Also make sure she has some time alone, when she needs it. What my husband and I did years ago is none of her business anyway. The way they gravitate towards any woman friend or family memeber is deeply sad. Our only choice would have been to cut our losses. Within weeks, my father took up with a mutual friend of theirs. What makes it even harder is that dad also has terminal cancer, and we dont know how long he has left to live. We want a relationship with him, not with her, and he has tried to force it on us. Im really not trying to discourage anyone from accepting your own situation (in time) . What we find offensive is I am now dating a wonderful man and find myself missing my husband. I thought I would be happier, but Im not. Definitely this. I feel very unwelcome there in fact have been there about three times since they married last sept. the whole situation makes me sick. I still live in my fathers home with my husband and fur babies. People stay together for thirty years when they're providing each other with what the other needs - there were a great many things she came to NEED from your dad. Not only that, even if things got better between her and I, I would feel like a traitor to my own mother. He says that if you grieve over someones death, it is because you are not right with God. I'm so, so sorry for your loss- You sound like an incredible and caring family, and losing a member of that family must be really difficult for all of you. And the whole time he was here, he was watching the clock and couldnt wait to leave to get back to her. In addition to adjusting to life without parent who has died, you now have to also deal with the surviving parent/step-parents relationship choices which will surely impact you directly and in-directly. time. The time to have conversations like this is before anybody dies. I said it would probably be me unless his girlfriend would like to do it. She knew her quite well and really does understand (as much as possible) what we went through. I am 23 years old, I am her youngest, and I am in the toughest time trying to get through this. We were home a week then they left again on a trip to Hawaii. You, as an adult, are providing for YOUR own child, and do not have to support her. HEAD OVER HEELS in love, even now. The sooner the better. Not at all. She acted as though she got offended over that. He may be able to fulfill some of the emptiness he has felt and may feel he at least has a purpose to continue his life. I try to be civil and thats all I can do. Ive finally accepted that he hasnt replaced my Mom, he just wants companionship and to be happy again. He was alright. I lost my mother unexpectedly over six years ago, when I was 17. It helped me to learn ways to understand my feelings and cope with them. I came to the hospital every single day without my dad for 2 weeks while she was in excruciating pain. I am loving. Around January of 2004, a neighbor and fellow church member of my Dads set up a date for him with another woman Ill call Ellen. It had barely been 6 months since Mom had passed away. Every mans dream, right? She has even assaulted my sister by shaking and shoving her. Ellen has the strangest relationship with her two adult sons, or at least it seems strange to me. Best of luck. So as if all of this is not bad enough now he tells me that she is gunna move into his house. I try to be cordial because I want to stay in my grandbabies life. I am still having a hard time coping with her death. What hours of the day did he keep her company? Im not sure what to say to him or how to react to all of this. She wrote: I will always remember when we went to go see Zero Dark Thirty with him. Whitney came to the movie expecting a thrilling performance by Jessica Chastain, but instead got my counter-terrorism expert father giving an in-depth and slightly terrifying film analysis. Little did I know 14 months later I was going to be blindsided with a call that he was dating. Two days later she arrived with baked goods for my dad. We consider ourselves nothing short of blessed to have met and enjoy each other so much. He has moved in with her. We had many excursions and seemed to hit it off generally. Now I have discovered that while my mother was dying, this other woman was pursuing my father. They cannot commit 100% to you. The woman I married and loved did not even resemble the women who died after nearly five years of illness. Her children came with the package he is trying to have a relationship with her & she is bringing her kids along. She has tried her best to destory our family and keep us away from my dad. And I saw her mugshots-she was smiling in one of them. She is very social and loved the friendships He was the best father and husband I could ask for. Trying to "solve" her problems for her didn't work. She spoke with great detail about a moment when she was riding the subway with her dad and chose to keep her headphones in as he was trying to speak to her about his faith. They, and the rest of the family, are appalled at me. If someone made that demand of you and my sisterz, you would be screaming bloody murder. Although we were no longer romantically involved, there was no one else I wanted to be held by more. He really only cares about himself. That is why I really cant feel bad towards this womanif it wasnt her, it would be someone else. It's okay to be heartbroken; you won't lose that deep connection with him. Told my parents to come here and live at not charge except maintenance and taxes on house , and that they could stay there forever. With more time for our family to grieve and to have our dad, I think we would have had a much easier time accepting his new wife. The gaping hole in your life you feel for your Mom will not be healing when you are in this horrible situation. Today is the one year anniversary of my mothers death from a 6 month battle with pancreatic cancer. I lost my mother almost a year ago (Feb. 2008) and my father started spending time with an old friend from his past, 8 months later. Do not live in the same painful place, allow yourself and your family to move on. Does it still affect my life? He said it wasnt his fault that theyve grown apart and theres nothing he can do about it. However, I think it is fair to say that even if she is comfortable financially,which seems unlikely judging by her age, that an opportunity to move to the U.S or even go for an all expenses paid vacation would be seized with open hands.
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