It's been really painful for me. The thought of a child waiting for him at home makes going away so much easier. Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop(Atria Books June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books November 2010; $15). I think that gives you a little time to get on her good side and work on those shortcomings. female lol. When choosing adoption, I think youve made a conscious decision that your child will be better off being parented by people other than you. The prohibition against abortion is taken far more seriously by some than the religious prohibition against non-marital sense. Third, I weep for that child. Thats a dudes view. Im not disagreeing with your assessment at all, however, I have to question you on thisdo you really believe that if it were possible to two men or two women to get pregnant that they never would and things like this would never happen just because they were heterosexual? just my opinion. He says he loves me, doesn't want to lose me, and wants to marry me. She isnt a woman he wants to be with his entire life. Everyone seems to assume he didnt use a condom, but nothing in the letter says that. Not everyone believes that. Im guessing that shes in the UK or Ireland, or perhaps New England. Abortion and adoption are both horrifying thoughts to Susie but she has no choice. Its ironic that some of the same people who fire off insults left and right on this forum, feel so offended when someone simply disagrees with them. The sex was good. Definitely do a paternity test to be sure but if he follows through with not being a part of the childs life, hes a scumbag. Sure sure you have sex, theres always the possibility of a child. Baby, our apartment isnt big enough for a baby. If hes being deceived then hes a willing participant. we broke up and he got another girl pregnant. Actions have consequences. Likewise, you could find a wealth of men who paid for children who werent theirs. Any woman who cant see the pleasure in such a sacrifice is too selfish to be in a relationship. Im not sure. The vast majority of parents who have at least a rough acknowledgement of their paternity/maternity have joint custody even if the guys a deadbeat. You and the baby are the victims. Thats what responsible men who want to have sex with women and dont want children do. This woman might very well be lying. I think it is fair for him to be disappointed, angry and frustrated. Sure, lots of people take those chances. Translation: men should think before they poke but women can do whatever they damn well please. A real man steps up to be there for the baby, more than just money for the baby, and to be there for the mother even if he cant stand her. Both of their attitudes kind of suck. You dont ask women to have abortions unless youre scum. So, this man had sex with a women while he was unattached and not under any commitment, and that makes him scum?. He isnt what is best for you. As a child who was raised by my mother and saw neither hair nor hide of my biological father, who diligently paid child support, Ive turned out for the better. Not me. Im not saying it doesnt happen, but I find it hard to believe that people who dont take care dont get pregnant and every unwanted pregnancy is always the product of birth control failure. We dont know that she asked for any money. He didnt come chasing after you. Okay, Tim. 60+ years on this ball-o-dirt and witnessing the madness going on around this place, as well as being an honest-to-God Christian. Ill weigh in on this If its a guy I dont know well enough regarding his sexual prowess, no way am I going down on him. Sounds like he is 40 and stupid and she is a user and tramp, based on what your story says. Friends of mine who were raised largely by their mothers but had to deal with their irresponsible, alcoholic fathers who dropped in and out of their lives whenever it pleased them did far more emotional damage to their children than my lack of having a father did to me. When its the woman who will suffer the consequences, its the woman who should be vigilant. So he and the LW should break up for good. depressed, got back together, money. You bolster my case by agreeing that he can share responsibility with the mother or simply provide support but he does not have the option to opt out entirely, which is something the pregnant woman can do. So, hey, lets jump on him and discuss how vile he is because he didnt take measures to avoid it (and lets do so without any actual proof that he didnt wear a condom, that she wasnt on the pill, and so on). He basically put you out of his mind, then he wanted you to assume his guilt. Its no excuse but no one will every be able to explain men. I honestly dont believe any of this will ever be an issue for you. BACKFIRES! honeybeenicki Men cant choose to abort because biology dictates that the fetus is not in their body. I would like to also say, we dont know that shes trapping him. You are talking as if a decision to terminate a pregnancy is as easy as taking out the garbage, as if there are no consequences to it whatsoever. The guy and the woman had sex. Happens all the time. Stop going backwards. But the issue is when he decided not to pull out but bust a load into a strangerhe took on that risk of possibily having the responsibility to pay for a kid for the next 18 years. I just picture this LW with only tiny chunks of her brain left rattling around in her head as she sputters out this completely illogical rubbish (malarky). He doesnt want anything to do with her? April 10, 2012, 10:27 am, Okay Well, I dont believe the LW has a right to be mad at anyone, simply because her and her boyfriend were broken up when this happened. Child support is, indeed, a lottery win for women, by which they compel men who had nothing to do with their lifestyle choices to support their lifestyle choices in the manner to which they have become accustomed. Everyone experiences the ups and downs of a relationship differently, and the same goes for breakups. He slept with a woman he believed to be on the pill. I dont think Ive ever seen you swear on here before! The NBA star is reportedly expecting his third child with personal trainer Maralee Nichols, per The Daily Mail. And oxygen. I am no worse for never knowing my biological father, who paid child support, and being raised alone by my mother. 1.1K views, 24 likes, 7 loves, 2 comments, 9 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Shukla Gaming: Steve Wilkos ANGRY Moments Youre the one asserting that its only one sex that experiences unfairness. What the LW needs to do is take a deep breath, wait a long time for this situation to resolve, and then decide what she wants to do. Nothing about that makes him the definition of immature or of an asshole. You have to give up one or the other. Vampires arent supposed to glitter and werewolves arent supposed to be pedophiles. Nothing more, nothing less. Understand that he will not leave her for you. Especially the children. Wellyeah. Most women hate giving blowjobs, it seems. April 10, 2012, 6:37 pm. There has to be a reason behind all this vitriol. If he didnt get tested prior to running back to the LW then yes, he did expose her to STDs. I think this guy is a jerk not because he had sex with someone else when he was single, but because he is taking no responsibility for a life he created. Increasingly, more and more, these letters just simply disgust me. Consider paring them down a bit. This is clearly a heated topic, so Im not sure were all being purely logical about it. And finally we see what youre doing ranting about paternity laws and mens rights on a relationship advice site. And no it shouldnt be just the womans responsibility that the bf just met if she decides to not have an abortion or give the child up for adoption. Any 40 year old man thats in the habit of jumping into bed with a woman who claims shes on BC after knowing her for 2 min is so dirty, Id be afraid to touch him much less get back in a relationship with him. Im not so sure why he isnt allowed to be angry at her decision to keep the baby. But its her body Well, department of labor clearly shows that statistically a man in a low-paying job is far more likely to die in a workplace accident over the course of 18 years than a woman over a normal pregnancy. He wasnt in a relationship with the LW at that time, and had no expectation that they would get back together. April 9, 2012, 2:54 pm. (youve already split for two months, for reasons you didnt even mention). No man would abandon a woman he impregnates. Someone else has assumed it. The next day I text her that we can give it another chance, but she insisted she was not feeling the same . In many states men can declare themselves non-fathers. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Also, when you call people honey constantly or tell them to go read a lawbook(?) Story. The laws are unfair because they arent designed to be fair to the PARENTS- theyre designed to work in the best interest of the innocent child that didnt choose to be born. Hes not obligated to be there emotionally, especially if he made it clear to the woman that he did not want this baby in the first place. April 10, 2012, 7:10 pm. No, a responsible father who is involved in the childs life will get joint custody. evanscr05 He didnt marry you. Its not a complex procedure. Absolutely, positively, 100% wrong. April 9, 2012, 12:52 pm. On the other hand, once Im in a committed and loving relationship, I like giving blow jobs, even though I dont have any physical satisfaction from it. They came first. Baby, our apartment isnt big enough for a baby. Even if this baby malarky goes away, even if this woman only demands financial support and nothing else from your boyfriend, this sort of drama will be your life if you stay with him. Equal protection under the law, etc, etc. Wrong. There is a massive difference between wanting a pregnancy to be terminated and deciding to have nothing to do with a child who has been born. April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. In other cases, receiving a text from an ex can immediately bring up feelings of annoyance, dread or even fear particularly if the relationship was a toxic and unhappy one that you want distance from. Ok, so this dude: Oh, really? Ever look at the clock in your car to check the time while driving (or the radio to change channels, or a billboard)? I think this post must have been linked somewhere, hence all the men defenders, out to protect a mans right to have indiscriminate sex without consequences. Terminating his Parental Rights just means he has no say in childs education, no visitaton, etc. But I just don't know anymore. April 9, 2012, 10:48 am. Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. I agree with a lot of what you have been saying, but he clearly states he will be a deadbeat father to the child in question from what the LW states which is the main reason for his villification. Who then supports the child that the man made? And its also appalling that he would order a woman to abort. He was clearly having unprotected sex with at least one other person. April 10, 2012, 12:00 am. Its interesting how none of these comments address that he SPECIFICALLY said that he would have nothing to do with his own child. I dont really know what the question was I just assumed it was should we stay together How can you not also be angry at your bf LW? Like most men are running around handing out free money to them without them having to fight for it. But woman, grow the hell up. Abortion is safe and legal, right? 2. reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008): A You want some advice? He said he felt forced to be with someone he doesnt love and, blah blah blah. But to me, it sounds like youre misdirecting your anger. Imagine lending your new car to a friend who led you to believe they just needed to make a quick run to the Piggly Wiggly, only to have them return it to you totaled after having taken it on a weeklong bender in Vegas. I get what youre saying. Everyone was always on the pill, or the condom broke and plan b didnt work, or things like that. Yes everyone went bonkers. You are arguing for NO abortion in cases of rape. So, stop with the 19th century stuff about doing the right thing. Women have complete reproductive autonomy. I agree that using a condom (even when she was on the Pill) would not have necessarily meant she wouldnt have gotten pregnant. Apparently not him, because the LW never says he ordered her to abort. Its not the situation, but the way its written. The fact that all this happened doesnt mean hes some despicable jackass. He doesnt want anything to do with his child? The court considers the psychological effects on the child before ordering support. And it's the best thing that ever happened to me. Its the law. And the world goes round. You shouldnt expect him to bow down and praise the woman. His utter failure to own up to his actions is appalling. Why does his/her future emotional health count on the presence of a father who wants nothing to do with parenting? But it is a dickish move to get someone pregnant and then decide youre not going to be involved in that childs life. And you cant have conception without sperm. You mean, a man shouldnt be able to decide to throw money at his child, but never once be involved whatsoever in the childs life? That would be the end of any sort of relationship sex. I think that one should be able to decide if one is ready to be a parent and, if not, make that clear when there is time to abort the pregnancy. You deserve more than you are getting but if you accept less you will get less! Just once. Its not JUST about your ex-boyfriend, LW. He could be imaginary. Merely that it is an immense expense for the man for a situation that he didnt want a situation which, as I said, the woman is never forced to endure. At which point, no matter what form the chastisement comes, feminists are going to be looking for REAL men..and not finding them. This is not true, and I say this because a (male) friend of mine went through this a few years ago. She isnt a woman he wants to be with his entire life. In order to build trust, the person must be trustworthy. Not because there was anything wrong with me or because I didnt deserve a father or because I wasnt lovable she was always sure to explain that it was his deficits that kept him from being a part of my life. But then Id be haunted with the thought that I could have frozen BETTER sperm than the sperm I froze before tying the tubes and will always wonder if my children could have been better. Have an abortion or Ill be furious = Have fries with that or Ill be furious > Psycho. Look you can either take what the LW wrote in the letter to be a marginally accurate representation of what is going on or why bother reading and commenting at all? You dont really get a say in this matter. ele4phant But hes 40?! I havent, and even though I am 110% pro-choice, Im not sure if its something I could actually do. A mans legal obligation to support his children is not some well hidden secret and nowhere is it mentioned that hes being asked for anything more. April 10, 2012, 7:07 pm. Let me show you another scenario (that Im ad-libbing from GirlWritesWhat) following that logic: A woman is severely allergic to peanuts. Here is the truth: After a break up you create a hierarchy. Seriously? Identical twin men: one is an IVF doctor, one is a carpenter. Your FAMILY can be the most important thing in your life not just your children. When you ended it you knew it was over. But if she is not YOU need to decide if you can handle your boyfriend having a child with another woman. But again the adoption makes that all moot. Hes scum, no one in their right mind is going to want to stay with him. Fyrebyrd2 My man (were not engaged anymore) begged to see his kids, and they met up and talked. Guy Friday And the internet is this perfect little anonymous bubble for people to shoot off their anger. Its fucking simple. I think your anger is severely displaced and I think I know why if you evaluate the situation without being blinded by your inability to live without this guy, you would see that his true character is shining through and its probably not someone you really want to be with. Everything is he: He is in love with you, so in love that he humped another woman; so in love that he wanted to kill a baby to be with you. But if Im going to have casual sex without proper protection, well then Id better damn well be prepared for the potential consequences. April 9, 2012, 10:00 pm, No, I actually think that of us effectively use condoms Most of the dumb idiots I know that knocked girls up all thought they were safe because they were told all was well, Im on the pill PS. But still. People are calling the LW scum because hes willing to abandon a child he helped create. I have a feeling you are going to stay with this guy no matter what (since you would just diiiie without him). never again! He found someone relatively fast and quick, and jumped in the bed with her. You deserve that label for attacking a woman that you dont even know, for trying to blame her for sperm-jacking your loser boyfriend and for suggesting that she is trying to trap him. Already Tired of the Baby Malarky. I got the impression that he was furious that she opted to keep the baby and quite possibly that she misrepresented being on birth control, not that she had the audacity to become pregnant after sex.
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